All You Zombies (Heinlein)

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Robert A. Heinlein

All You Zombies

1959

Summary of the Short Story

Microsummary: A temporal agent created their own existence by orchestrating a complex series of events involving time travel, self-seduction, and baby kidnapping, resulting in being their own parents and child.

Short Summary

New York City, 1970. A bartender at Pop's Place met a bitter young man known as the Unmarried Mother.

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The Bartender (Temporal Agent) — narrator, temporal agent disguised as a bartender, experienced time traveler with 30 subjective years of service, cynical but professional attitude.

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The Unmarried Mother — 25-year-old writer of confession stories, formerly female, underwent gender transformation, bitter and cynical, childish features and touchy temper.

The young man shared his strange life story: born female, he was left at an orphanage, later seduced and abandoned by a mysterious man, became pregnant, and gave birth to a baby girl who was kidnapped. Medical complications during childbirth led to a gender transformation. The bartender, revealing himself as a time traveler, offered to help find the man who ruined his life.

The Snake That Eats Its Own Tail, Forever and Ever. I know where I came from—but where did all you zombies come from? I felt a headache coming on, but a headache powder is one thing I do not take.

Using a time machine, the bartender orchestrated an elaborate sequence of events: he was the mysterious seducer, he kidnapped the baby and left her at the orphanage, and he recruited his younger self to become a temporal agent. The story concluded with the revelation that all characters were the same person at different points in time, caught in an endless paradox of self-creation.

Detailed Summary

Summary sections do not match original text structure.

The Unmarried Mother's Story

In a bar called Pop's Place on November 7, 1970, a mysterious bartender waited for a specific customer - the Unmarried Mother. The customer arrived at exactly 10:17 PM.

Over drinks, the Unmarried Mother shared his extraordinary life story. He was originally a woman, left at an orphanage in Cleveland in 1945. Growing up as a girl named Jane, he dreamed of joining the W.E.N.C.H.E.S. (Women's Emergency National Corps, Hospitality & Entertainment Section) to serve in space.

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Jane — young woman, orphan, earlier version of the Unmarried Mother, described as horse-faced and buck-toothed, determined to give her future child both parents.

While working as a mother's helper, Jane met a mysterious man who seduced and abandoned her. She became pregnant and gave birth via cesarean section, only to discover something shocking.

I was as ruined as a woman can be; that bum really ruined me—I was no longer a woman... and I didn't know how to be a man.

The doctors discovered Jane had complete sets of both male and female organs. They performed surgery to make her physically male. Shortly after giving birth to a baby girl, the infant was kidnapped from the hospital by a man claiming to be her uncle.

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The Baby — infant girl, described as looking like an orange monkey, central to the time paradox but has no active role.

The Time Travel Begins

After hearing the story, the bartender revealed he could help find the man who ruined Jane's life. He produced a time machine disguised as a suitcase and transported them both to 1963. The bartender gave the Unmarried Mother money and sent him out to confront his seducer.

The bartender then made several more time jumps. He traveled to 1964 to kidnap the baby from the hospital, then went back to 1945 to leave the infant at the Cleveland orphanage. The baby was Jane, who would grow up to become the Unmarried Mother.

Now you know who he is—and after you think it over you'll know who you are... and if you think hard enough, you'll figure out who the baby is... and who I am.

The Seduction Completes the Loop

Returning to 1963, the bartender found the Unmarried Mother watching his younger female self. The revelation became clear - the Unmarried Mother was destined to become the mysterious seducer of his own younger self.

It's a shock to have it proved to you that you can't resist seducing yourself. I took him to the Apex Building and we jumped again.

The bartender took the Unmarried Mother to 1985 to be recruited into the Temporal Corps. There, it was revealed that the bartender himself was the same person - an older version of Jane/the Unmarried Mother, completing a complex time loop where one person was their own mother, father, and child.

The Final Revelations

Returning to 1970, the bartender reflected on his role in the Temporal Corps, preventing disasters like the Fizzle War of 1963. The agency recruited people from troubled circumstances, giving them purpose in maintaining the proper flow of time.

It's rough, but somebody must do it, and it's very hard to recruit anyone in the later years, since the Mistake of 1972. Can you think of a better source than to pick people all fouled up where they are?

The bartender then traveled to 1993 to file his report and request a new assignment. In his quarters, he examined the Cesarean scar on his belly and the ring he wore - the Ouroboros, symbolizing the eternal cycle. He contemplated the paradox of his existence, wondering about the true nature of identity and causality.

You aren't really there at all. There isn't anybody but me—Jane—here alone in the dark. I miss you dreadfully!

The story concluded with the bartender/Jane/Unmarried Mother alone in the darkness, contemplating the circular nature of their existence - a single person who was their own complete family tree, trapped in an endless loop of self-creation, serving as a temporal agent to ensure the stability of time itself.