All You Zombies (Heinlein)

Disclaimer: This summary was generated by AI, so it may contain errors.

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Robert A. Heinlein

All You Zombies

1959

Summary of the Short Story

Microsummary: A temporal agent created their own existence by orchestrating a complex series of events involving time travel, self-seduction, and baby kidnapping, resulting in being their own parents and child.

Short Summary

New York City, 1970. A bartender at Pop's Place met a bitter young man known as the Unmarried Mother.

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The Bartender (Temporal Agent) — narrator, temporal agent disguised as a bartender, experienced time traveler with 30 subjective years of service, cynical but professional attitude.

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The Unmarried Mother — 25-year-old writer of confession stories, formerly female, underwent gender transformation, bitter and cynical, childish features and touchy temper.

The young man shared his strange life story: born female, he was left at an orphanage, later seduced and abandoned by a mysterious man, became pregnant, and gave birth to a baby girl who was kidnapped. Medical complications during childbirth led to a gender transformation. The bartender, revealing himself as a time traveler, offered to help find the man who ruined his life.

The Snake That Eats Its Own Tail, Forever and Ever. I know where I came from—but where did all you zombies come from? I felt a headache coming on, but a headache powder is one thing I do not take.

Using a time machine, the bartender orchestrated an elaborate sequence of events: he was the mysterious seducer, he kidnapped the baby and left her at the orphanage, and he recruited his younger self to become a temporal agent. The story concluded with the revelation that all characters were the same person at different points in time, caught in an endless paradox of self-creation.

Detailed Summary

Division of the summary into chapters is editorial.

Meeting at Pop's Place

In a bar called Pop's Place in November 1970, a bartender waited for a specific customer. At 10:17 PM, the Unmarried Mother arrived.

The bartender engaged his customer in conversation, discussing the Unmarried Mother's work writing confession stories. After some drinks, the customer revealed his extraordinary past: he was born a girl, left at an orphanage in Cleveland in 1945. Growing up female, he dreamed of joining the Space Corps' hospitality service but first worked as a mother's helper.

The Unmarried Mother's Past

During this time, he met a mysterious man who seduced him and disappeared. Pregnant and alone, he ended up in a charity hospital. After giving birth via cesarean section, doctors made a shocking discovery.

I was as ruined as a woman can be; that bum really ruined me—I was no longer a woman... and I didn't know how to be a man.

The doctors found that the patient had a complete set of male organs internally. They performed surgery to transform him into a man. Shortly after, his baby daughter was kidnapped from the hospital by someone claiming to be her uncle. Unable to pursue his original career plans, he eventually became a writer of confession stories.

The Time Travel Revelation

The bartender offered to help find the man who ruined his life, revealing himself as a time travel agent. Using a time machine disguised as a suitcase, he took the Unmarried Mother back to 1963 Cleveland. The agent provided money and instructions to find the man who had seduced his younger self.

It's a shock to have it proved to you that you can't resist seducing yourself. I took him to the Apex Building and we jumped again.

The agent then traveled to 1964 Cleveland, kidnapped the baby from the hospital, and took her back to 1945, leaving her at the orphanage. He returned to 1963 to collect the Unmarried Mother, revealing the shocking truth about their identities.

Now you know who he is—and after you think it over you'll know who you are... and if you think hard enough, you'll figure out who the baby is... and who I am.

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Jane — young woman, orphan, earlier version of the Unmarried Mother, described as horse-faced and buck-toothed, determined to give her future child both parents.

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The Baby — infant girl, described as looking like an orange monkey, central to the time paradox but has no active role.

The Paradox Revealed

The agent took the Unmarried Mother to 1985 to recruit him into the Temporal Corps. Returning to 1970, the agent reflected on the necessity of their work preventing disasters like the Fizzle War of 1963, though they couldn't prevent the Mistake of 1972.

It's rough, but somebody must do it, and it's very hard to recruit anyone in the later years, since the Mistake of 1972. Can you think of a better source than to pick people all fouled up where they are?

Finally, in his quarters in 1993, the agent revealed the ultimate truth: he was both the bartender and the Unmarried Mother. He had been born as Jane, seduced himself, given birth to himself, and then kidnapped himself as a baby to leave at the orphanage. He was his own mother, father, and child - a complete time loop with no beginning or end.

Looking at the ring on his finger - the Ouroboros, the snake eating its own tail - he contemplated the paradox of his existence. He was everyone in his story: the young woman Jane, the mysterious seducer, the Unmarried Mother, the bartender, and the temporal agent. Even the baby was himself, creating a perfect closed loop in time.

You aren't really there at all. There isn't anybody but me—Jane—here alone in the dark. I miss you dreadfully!

The story concluded with the agent alone in his quarters, contemplating the nature of his paradoxical existence. He was literally all the characters in his own story - a complete temporal loop with no origin point, eternally recreating itself through time travel. The snake eating its own tail was the perfect symbol for his existence: he had created himself, becoming his own ancestor and descendant simultaneously.

As he prepared for sleep, he looked at the Cesarean scar on his belly - a physical reminder of giving birth to himself - and reflected on the circular nature of his existence. He avoided taking headache powder, knowing it would make his paradoxical memories of being all these different people fade away. In the end, he was alone with the knowledge that he was everyone in his story, an endless loop in time with no true beginning or end.

The story ended with him whistling out the light, alone with the knowledge that he was the only real person in his universe - everyone else was just himself at different points in time, creating and maintaining an eternal paradox of existence.