All You Zombies (Heinlein)

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Robert A. Heinlein

All You Zombies

1959

Summary of the Short Story

Microsummary: A temporal agent created their own existence by orchestrating a complex series of events involving time travel, self-seduction, and baby kidnapping, resulting in being their own parents and child.

Short Summary

New York City, 1970. A bartender at Pop's Place met a bitter young man known as the Unmarried Mother.

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The Bartender (Temporal Agent) — narrator, temporal agent disguised as a bartender, experienced time traveler with 30 subjective years of service, cynical but professional attitude.

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The Unmarried Mother — 25-year-old writer of confession stories, formerly female, underwent gender transformation, bitter and cynical, childish features and touchy temper.

The young man shared his strange life story: born female, he was left at an orphanage, later seduced and abandoned by a mysterious man, became pregnant, and gave birth to a baby girl who was kidnapped. Medical complications during childbirth led to a gender transformation. The bartender, revealing himself as a time traveler, offered to help find the man who ruined his life.

The Snake That Eats Its Own Tail, Forever and Ever. I know where I came from—but where did all you zombies come from? I felt a headache coming on, but a headache powder is one thing I do not take.

Using a time machine, the bartender orchestrated an elaborate sequence of events: he was the mysterious seducer, he kidnapped the baby and left her at the orphanage, and he recruited his younger self to become a temporal agent. The story concluded with the revelation that all characters were the same person at different points in time, caught in an endless paradox of self-creation.

Detailed Summary

Summary sections do not match original text structure.

The Unmarried Mother's Story

In a bar called Pop's Place in November 1970, a mysterious bartender waited for a customer known as the Unmarried Mother.

The customer began sharing his extraordinary life story. He was originally a woman, left at an orphanage in Cleveland in 1945. Growing up female, he dreamed of joining the Women's Emergency National Corps (W.E.N.C.H.E.S.) and made a vow that any child of his would have both parents. While working as a mother's helper at age eighteen, he met a mysterious man who seduced and abandoned him.

I was as ruined as a woman can be; that bum really ruined me—I was no longer a woman... and I didn't know how to be a man.

During childbirth, doctors discovered that the patient had complete sets of both male and female organs. They performed surgery to transform him into a man. Shortly after, his newborn daughter was kidnapped from the hospital by a mysterious older man. Unable to join either the W.E.N.C.H.E.S. or the Space Corps, he eventually became a writer of confession stories, using his unique perspective to craft authentic tales of unmarried mothers.

Time Travel Revelations

The bartender offered to help him find the man who ruined his life, in exchange for taking a new job. Using a time machine disguised as a suitcase, he transported them both to 1963 Cleveland. The bartender gave the Unmarried Mother money and sent him to confront his seducer.

It's a shock to have it proved to you that you can't resist seducing yourself. I took him to the Apex Building and we jumped again.

The bartender then traveled to 1964, kidnapped the baby from the hospital, and took her back to 1945, leaving her at the orphanage. He returned to 1963 to find the Unmarried Mother completing the predestined seduction of his younger, female self.

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Jane — young woman, orphan, earlier version of the Unmarried Mother, described as horse-faced and buck-toothed, determined to give her future child both parents.

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The Baby — infant girl, described as looking like an orange monkey, central to the time paradox but has no active role.

The Ultimate Paradox

The bartender revealed the full truth: all the major characters in the story were the same person at different points in time. He was the bartender, who was also the seducer, who was also the Unmarried Mother, who was once Jane, who gave birth to herself. Through time travel, this single person became their own mother, father, and child.

Now you know who he is—and after you think it over you'll know who you are... and if you think hard enough, you'll figure out who the baby is... and who I am.

The Time Corps and Its Mission

The bartender took his younger self to 1985 to be recruited into the Temporal Corps. As an experienced temporal agent, he explained that their organization recruited people from troubled circumstances to maintain historical continuity and prevent disasters. They had successfully prevented the Fizzle War of 1963, though they couldn't undo the Mistake of 1972.

It's rough, but somebody must do it, and it's very hard to recruit anyone in the later years, since the Mistake of 1972. Can you think of a better source than to pick people all fouled up where they are?

Returning to his quarters in 1993, the bartender reflected on his unique existence. Looking at the ring he wore—the Ouroboros, a snake eating its own tail—he contemplated the paradox of his life. After thirty years of time-jumping, he felt worn down by the knowledge that he was essentially alone in the universe, being all the characters in his own story.

You aren't really there at all. There isn't anybody but me—Jane—here alone in the dark. I miss you dreadfully!

The story concluded with the temporal agent contemplating the paradox of his existence. He was a complete loop in time—his own mother, father, lover, and child—with no true beginning or end. The snake eating its own tail became both a literal representation of his life and a symbol of the ultimate temporal paradox, raising questions about causality, identity, and the nature of existence itself.

Through his service in the Temporal Corps, he ensured his own existence while simultaneously maintaining the stability of history. His unique perspective as all the characters in his own story left him isolated but essential to the timeline, forever bound in a loop of self-creation and preservation, exemplifying both the power and the loneliness of time travel.

The story ended with him alone in his quarters, avoiding headache powder that might make his other selves disappear, trapped in an eternal cycle of ensuring his own existence while protecting the timeline from greater catastrophes. His paradoxical life served as both a personal tragedy and a necessary sacrifice for the greater good of maintaining historical continuity.