The Complete Life of John Hopkins (Henry)
John Hopkins lived in a typical city flat with his wife, who possessed all the attributes of a flat-dweller. One evening, after a quick dinner, John decided to go out and buy a cigar.
I believe I'll walk down to the corner and get a five-cent cigar.
At the cigar store, he realized he had no money and promised to pay later. The store owner, Freshmayer, attacked him, leading to a fight that spilled onto the street. A policeman joined the fray, and John managed to escape by jumping into a passing red racing automobile.
The driver, a chauffeur named Armand, took John to a mansion where a beautiful young lady asked for his help. She had been insulted by a man in the house and wanted John to confront him.
John agreed and entered the library where the man, Ralph Branscombe, was reading.
Just show me the guy that you've got the grouch at. I've neglected my talents as a scrapper heretofore, but this is my busy night.
Ralph easily escorted John out of the house, and the lady, Bess, scolded him for not letting her have a St. Bernard dog. The two then reconciled and went to tell their aunt they were in good spirits again.
John returned to his flat and gave a red rose to the janitor's daughter before going inside. He resumed his conversation with his wife about a coworker's new suit, seemingly unfazed by the night's events.
I was telling you about Mr. Whipple's suit. It's a gray, with an invisible check, and it looks fine.